It's A Grim Life
by OnyxFeather
Summary: An innocent victim forced to spend 12 years of his life behind the stone walls of Azkabhan. A life wasted amongst the darkness, with only icy memories and agonising screams for company. One day he awakens from his stupor with a sense of purpose, to protect and avenge. With his courage restored, let's follow Sirius as he battles the demons that plague him. (HP from Black's POV, R&R)


Hi, here is a prologue for my latest fic. Personally, I love Sirius as a character so I'm looking forward to exploring his viewpoint through the Harry Potter timeline. This is just a teaser...bigger and better things are yet to come...hopefully.

**Disclaimer: I do not own the HP characters.**

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><p><strong><span>It's A Grim Life<span>**

**Prologue**

Head down, arms wrapped tightly around his cloak, Sirius made his way quietly but quickly down the silent deserted streets of Godric's Hollow. It was midnight. The air seemed harsh for this time of year. The sky appeared cloudless, but the blackness that descended upon them seemed unnatural; devoid of the usual twinkling of stars. _Dementors._

Ice trickled down his spine and he drew his cloak closer to himself, but the cold he felt seeped straight through him latching onto his soul. Sirius let out a shaky breath that frosted in the night air. His steps quickened and the clucking of his boots as they hit the stone pavement, grew louder. Wordless forebodings forced themselves upon him as the world started to spin beneath him. A faint taste of salted water reached the tip of his tongue. But still, he would not conjure a patronus out in the open, where he was already so vulnerable. Instead he fixed his gaze a few metres ahead, where the windows of a small cottage burst with a yellowish glow.

Dragging his feet he fell forwards, clutching the iron-gate, his lungs heaving from the lack of air. As soon as he had crossed the threshold of the Fidelius Charm, a weight seemed to have lifted and he managed to hobble across to the front door. Two weak taps later, he was greeted by a familiar voice.

"Whose there?"

Breathing heavily, with great effort Sirius managed to cobble together a few words, "P-padf-oot….d-dd-dog ani-magus…h-h-hated mm-y mm-mother…"

The door flew open and Sirius practically dropped into James's arms.

"Padfoot, what's wrong?" the concern was evident in his voice, as he frantically searched for some sort of wound that would explain the state in which Sirius had arrived.

"D-DD-dementors…" he whispered, just before he was engulfed by the darkness.

-XXXXXXX-

Sirius blinked; a soft velvety fabric caressed his left cheek. A small smile played at his lips. The warmth that surrounded him was soothing. As he tilted his head to the side he found himself nose-to-nose with two ogling hazel eyes hidden behind round spectacles. He started a little at the proximity, shuffling his head backwards across the pillow.

"You gave us a bit of a fright there, mate," seeing that Sirius was now alert, James pulled away from beside him, taking a seat on the sofa to his left. There was a sense of relief evident in his tone.

"Did I?" Sirius squinted in the bright light. His mind felt sluggish and his body felt like dead log that had sunk into the sofa as he struggled to lift his limbs.

"Padfoot, you could barely stand upright when you came falling through the front door. We had to hover you across the hall to the front room," informed Remus, who seemed to look just like he felt. His face was worn, huge black moons coated the skin beneath his eyes, even his hair seemed more faded in places. Sirius knew that part of his appearance resulted from the side-effects of the full moon; the rest was due to the long nights he had spent on patrol around the local werewolf habitations.

With great effort and trying not to shake his groggy head too much, Sirius hauled himself upwards using his elbows, only to slip against the pile of pillows placed underneath him. Seeing his discomfort, both James and Remus hurried over to help, and with their support Sirius positioned himself upright.

"You're awake," Lily walked through the door, a kind smile upon her face. Unlike his two best friends who were bursting with worry, her presence gave him a sense of ease. "There you go…the biggest slab of chocolate I could find and a small cup of butterbeer," she placed the tray next to him and settled at his feet.

"I could get used to this," replied Sirius lightly, hoping to quell some of the tension that still loomed over them. However, it seemed this was the wrong thing to say.

"You're lucky you managed to get here in one piece," there was mounting anger in James' voice, "What if you had collapsed in the street somewhere? Honestly Padfoot! Why didn't you just conjure a patronus?"

"There are Dementors out there, Prongs," Sirius fought to keep his voice level, "Who's to say the Deatheaters aren't close behind? I'd be risking exposure if I conjured a patronus in the middle of the street….Besides it wasn't that long a walk," he attempted to shrug away the potential danger that he had been faced with, if anything he did not wish to dwell on the matter.

Recently, all their conversations seemed to revolve around the imminent threat of war, it followed them everywhere. Like a black cloud dampening the smallest moments of happiness.

"It's okay James, he's fine now," reassured Lily gently. She had told Sirius in her letters how frustrated James had been these past few weeks.

"I hate this!" James jumped out of his seat, his face reddening and full of anguish, "Not knowing. Not being able to help….It drives me crazy!"

Still paralysed in his seat, Sirius watched his dearest friend with a heavy heart. He could feel his helplessness and even relate to it, as he too wanted desperately to find a way that would make this easier for James.

"I know mate," he stated quietly. Lily placed her hand on his, her eyes mirroring the sadness inside of him.

"We understand, Prongs," Remus placed a tentative hand on James' erratic shoulders, still bouncing with irritation. "But Lilly and Harry are your priority now…Whilst Voldemort continues to seek Harry, you have no choice but to remain hidden, where he cannot get to you."

"I just - I wish I could do more," James' head slumped forward in defeat.

Since Sirius had known him, James had always been lively, active and at the centre of chaos. It's what he preferred, even if that placed him in harm's way. Sitting desolately, unable to participate, with nothing to do but wait was a much harder task. At least fighting provided the illusion of doing something worthwhile.

"All you need to do is keep yourself, Lily and Harry safe." Their safety was far more important than tackling Deatheaters. Maybe Sirius' words would convey that protecting his family made James as brave and noble as fighting against Voldemort himself.

Wanting to fill the painful silence that lingered in the air, Sirius added a bit too jovially, "Speaking of which, where is my junior marauder?"

"Asleep, as he should be," Lily eyed Sirius knowingly.

It seemed there was no getting away from the dreaded truth of their current circumstances, as Remus reminded them once again of the constant peril that awaited them.

"Did you manage to see Wormtail off safely? You seem to be spending a lot of time around him lately."

He was right. The decision James and he had made to appoint Peter as Secret Keeper, meant that Sirius had to take extra precautions to ensure that Peter remained safe from the prying hands of Deatheaters. Sirius did not question Peter's loyalty, but his capture would undoubtedly place James's family at risk, and he had taken it upon himself to prevent that from happening. Remus was not aware of the change – it had been for the best. The fewer people that knew, the safer their secret would be. Plus the more people who believed Sirius to be the Potters' Secret Keeper, the greater the likelihood that he would be targeted by the Deatheaters, rather than Peter. Still, it made him uncomfortable that they were keeping this information from Remus, their closest friend, whom they had every faith would die for either of them.

Sirius wriggled in his seat, "You know Wormy…can't remember anything can he? One minute he's here, next you know he's lost somewhere in the woods…brain of a goldfish hasn't he…" he waffled on, the crease in Remus' brow made him even more nervous and he swallowed.

Thankfully, James stepped in.

"Moony, with the Order under attack from Deatheaters, we can't be too careful."

"Do you think Dumbledore's right, about a traitor?" The red-head had been silent for the most part, but the question held a distinct undertone of anxiety.

"Dumbledore's usually right about most things. I don't see why this should be any different," replied Remus.

"I go through each person individually in my head every night…Each scenario seems more unlikely than the next. It just doesn't seem to make sense," she expressed the dilemma they had all been experiencing. To think that the people they trusted could turn against them was nonsensical, yet there seemed to be no logical reason to doubt Dumbledore.

"We know, Lily. I find it hard to believe that anyone would betray us to Voldemort, but they sure seem to know a lot more about the Order then they ever have," informed James.

Just like that, the four of them sat in silence, unsure of their fate and afraid of what was still to come. Only one thing was clear - the inevitability of war.


End file.
